||[Dec. 7th, 2008|02:08 pm]
Well, it was partly that I didn't trust the raccoon, but also fear. I mean, what would actually happen if I went over to the pony? What would happen when I pet it, and nuzzled it's pretty pretty mane? I wanted it so bad, and here it was, just being offered to me. It wanted me to come out and play. And I didn't. Still, the pony never wandered away. It stayed in my sight, but it wasn't letting me approach again. I had missed my chance, and though I could see it, it wasn't going to play with me.|
I'm idealizing this particular pony, but the way I let it pass hurts. I had been waiting for that pony for years, and given up on it. I had built layers around that desire so that I couldn't feel it anymore, and felt this nudge when it was presenting itself, but ultimately couldn't move.
Eventually the raccoon wandered back and asked me why I was so sad. I cried about how I let the pony go and didn't know why.